Wounded bird, lost rabbit

I have spent all day trying to check up on you. I wanted to find something, anything to prove that I am right about you. I felt my power dribble away. Lost in my sense of helplessness, I am so frustrated with this state. I want to call you, kiss you, hold you, pretend this had never happened. But I cant even bring myself to talk to you. When I think too hard about you, I feel myself go. I loose my strength.



How do you fix that? How to I hold onto myself? Be resolute, I say! For the most part I have been better at it. But then days like these come along and I want to die from longing and confusion, hatred and love.



I want to explain this all to you. But I know you wont explain it to me. You wont help me understand anything. I will give you all I have and you will give me nothing. I will be back at square one and eventually I will have nothing again. God - what do I do? Why is this so hard?



Sometimes I open your facebook page just so I can see what you are up to. I want to be part of everything and I never want to see you again all at the same time. Trying to piece it all together until it makes some kind of sense - I feel like sense will save me. Though I know it won't. Oh universe - give me strength. Enough to survive this in one piece and make sensible decisions.