Infidelity

Why

There is no response. No clear step by step path that one can follow until you end up here. Its a whirlwind of pain, a tornado of emotion and wave of despair. I have never been here before and never want to be here again. This is the most painful thing I have been through in the last couple of years. And everything I am told is that there is no reason, no justification and I must just get on with my life.

Blankness

I am desperate to be loved and protected but terrified that I will get hurt. My inner child has run for the hills. I want to be held, but not to love. I feel blank. I know that something is supposed to be there, but it isnt. nothing is there. except my obession with the fair, with you cheating and lying. Still lying and more lying and then telling me that the truth is a matter of perspective. Bold and brazen to say the least.

My turn

I am hiding. I am hiding in what I know. I am using what I can to pull myself together. It is all going to end in tears. I know it will but I cant stop. I cant control it, my need to be safe is so strong.

You

I cant have you around me, not even in the ether. you are driving me mad. I have no self respect when I am with you. I need to let go. I dont know if it will work. I dont know that I wont look back and think that I should have continued. I dont have the strength to continue and you are unable / unwilling (and I do believe that it is both) to help.

Me

I am moving. Sometimes I am moving so fast I dont know what is happening. Others I am frozen in my confusion about this, us, you. I am holding it together. Cause thats what I do. I cant fall apart, everyone else needs me to be fine - there is too much else going on. I need to be more selfish. I need to be 100% me.

Us